She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
