Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
