I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
