Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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