i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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