hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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