The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
