Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
