I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
