his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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