He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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