i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
