the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
