she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
whose ass print is on the piano?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
