no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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