Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
