I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
