your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize