ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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