I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize