YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
