You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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