The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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