I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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