So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it hurts more in the daytime
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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