Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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