I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My liver just had a heart attack.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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