HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
