Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize