I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize