I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
