shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
