Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
