broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I would fuck him just for his dog
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