I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
