Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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