I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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