No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
