Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize