Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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