I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
