ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
