dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
