You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
