why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
