I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
