I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
