im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize