So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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