lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
