think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
