that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
