so explain again why im purple
no
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
