Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
