alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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