I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
