these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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