I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
