Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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