i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
