I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
