put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
