I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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