Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
