After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
