the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You have to summon your inner elephant
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
