who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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